Murder or Suicide? Premonition or Uncanny Timing?

Thanks to a friend of mine over on FaceBook, and a posting of an article she had done, I really got to thinking. About "Premonition". Did the woman who had died the year that I was born commit suicide, or was she killed and then dumped off of a cliff as to cover up the killer's crime?

Whether it was indeed a suicide or a homicide will more than likely NEVER come to light. We are talking over thirty years since the death had taken place. But there are some strange "facts" that come to light in the article. And it brings me to the thought of the topic of "Premonition".

The word "Premonition" is defined in dictionary.com as...
–noun
1.feeling of anticipation of or anxiety over a future event; presentiment: He had a vague premonition of danger.

2.a forewarning.

One thing that struck me about this possibly being a case of the girl having a premonition of her own demise (not so much of how or when, but of her life being cut drastically short) was the poem she'd left behind some time earlier before her death had occurred.

The poem reads as follows..

"Dismissed"

I know that I shall soon fade away,
as the day fades into the night.
I am not afraid for all things that begin
must surely draw to a close.

I wonder why all my possessions
seem so like treasures and jewels that just so recently I have uncovered.

I watch each day in silent solitude
Quietly as so not to disturb
even the smallest of molecules.

I (at first) would long for one more decade
to fulfill and satisfy the ambitions and
expectations of my forefathers.

In the beginning I would weep in awesome agony
with a desire to rid myself of
this evil illness.

I know, at least have expected my fate
as you would have to endure a broken heart.

Seven months and three days have passed
since I have learned of my new nature.

I feel myself slowly slipping from this reality
into the reality of the universe.

Each minute reveals the answer to a question
that hasn't been asked, before, even in the greatest books.

Today is the day I must leave and go
to the place where they have been calling
and waiting for me.

I walk slowly into a field of sunshine
Fields of tall waving grass,
delicate flowers and tumbling hills.

A field like the one where my brother and sister passed
there time running, jumping and playing.

Mine eyes have suddenly gone blind to this landscape
as the wind blows, I fall into the grass
softly and peacefully.

My spirit is gone from my bones and flesh
I see myself lying ever so gracefully in a bed
of green satin.

As I descended into the clouds
I feel no sorrow that I must leave
only regret that I couldn't give more love
to my home and my friends.

-Vickie Bertram

Many say that it's more of a suicide note, than a poem of foretelling her own fate. I guess that this poem should be left to the interpretation of each individual reader, for no one can say exactly what was going through Vickie's mind at the time of writing this piece.

Something from the article, which you can READ HERE reeks of "cover up". The woman's brother, who is now a police officer had fought long and vehemently to be able to get his sister's remains exhumed and have a second Autopsy performed, seeing as there was no "real" investigation, or closing conclusions in regards to Vickie's death. He (rightfully so) wanted answers, not stumbling blocks and open-ended thoughts.

Finally, when the day came to bring up his long dead sister from her encasement, no other officers, not a single peer of the law had come to be with their "brother" in support, or to help raise up Ryan Allred's sister's remains.

No one should have to be "forced" in to helping a Medical Examiner raise their loved one from a grave like this! It's appalling what his so-called Police buddies did to him (or shall I say did NOT do for him).

In the initial reports, it was stated that there were no broken bones, after she had a 100 foot drop from the cliff. But NOW, it is seen that indeed, she DID have broken bones in the (over) 30 year postmortem medical examination.

Between the inconsistency of the first and second Autopsies, the fact that no one can clearly say what her state of mind was near the end of her life, and the fact that her brother had to help pull her body from her casket, with no other Police officers there to watch the proceedings (which I thought was actually a REQUIREMENT of exhuming) or even be the ones instead of Ryan Allred (Vickie's brother) to pull her from her resting place, I say that indeed, there IS a cover up somewhere along the lines. I just can't place with whom or why.

And yes, I also think that Vickie Robin Bertram had been able to foresee her fate. Be it via suicide or being killed by another's hand. She had the gift of "Premonition" and was able to witness in great detail, her ultimate fate.

OBEs

In 2003, I suffered what is called a "missed" miscarriage. This means that the baby had died (at about 12 weeks gestation), but did not abort its self, which in most cases, happens after an embryo or very early-stage fetus passes from within the womb.

I did not find this out until my 16-week check up. So the baby's remains were just sitting there.

A few days later, I had to succumb to a D&C procedure to extract the baby, as I was getting sick from the toxins that started going in to my system.

Later on that night, after the procedure was done, I just laid there. Mourning for my baby, who I *knew* was to be a boy. I even named him, seeing as I didn't want his "life" (what tiny bit there was of it) to be "meaningless". And after all, he was still MY child. He was still a HUMAN BEING. And I lost not only him, but my future as his mother, and a piece of my heart along with him.

Finally, after some "quiet" crying, I had fallen asleep. Sick to the fact that I had done what no mother would think possible to have to do.

Next thing that I remember, I was in this beautiful wheat field. The sun shone extremely bright. But I was not wearing sunglasses and the light NEVER once bothered my eyes. There was a smell of jasmine in the breeze as it ran through my hair. Then I heard a little boy's voice calling "Mommy! Moooomy!! Over here". As I'd turned around, I knew instinctively it was him. It was my Michael.

We ran to one another. He was about six to nine years of age. We hugged. Then talked a while. Suddenly, he said it was time for him to go. That Grandma (my mom) was waiting for him. Then he told me it's okay and not to feel bad because he was happy and he knows he was loved. He also told me to go ahead and have another baby because he will look out for his little brother or sister.

Then, it was time for him to go. If only you knew just how badly I too wanted to go with him. So many people from my life were where he was returning to. I could feel their love beating down on me. I wasn't one time scared. I was at peace. REAL peace. For perhaps the first time in my life.

But, suddenly, the sun's light got blindingly bright. My breathing got labored and my chest felt extremely heavy as I bolted upright in bed. It was almost like I was having a panic attack.

It was then that I realized that I had separated from my own body, spiritually and had traveled to not Heaven, but somewhere in between there and here. Like a half-way meeting place. Not "Purgatory" per say. I felt the wheat under my finger tips. I could smell the air and the flowers that were carried in from a distance. I felt my son's touch. I could feel the warmth of the sun beating on me...So how could this NOT have been real?

The definition of Out Of Body Experience (OBEs) is defined by Wikipedia as this...

"An out-of-body experience (OBE or sometimes OOBE), is an experience that typically involves a sensation of floating outside of one's body and, in some cases, perceiving one's physical body from a place outside one's body (autoscopy).

The term out-of-body experience was introduced in 1943 by G.N.M Tyrrell in his book Apparitions, and adopted by, for example, Celia Green and Robert Monroe as a bias-free alternative to belief-centric labels such as "astral projection" or "spirit walking". Though the term usefully distances researchers from scientifically problematic concepts such as the soul, scientists still know little about the phenomenon.

Some researchers have managed to recreate OBE in a laboratory setup by stimulating a part in the human brain. One in ten people has an out-of-body experience once or more commonly several times in their life. OBEs are often part of the near-death experience. Those who have experienced OBEs sometimes claim to have observed details which were unknown to them beforehand.

In some cases the phenomenon appears to occur spontaneously; in others it is associated with a physical or mental trauma, use of psychedelic drugs, dissociative drugs, or a dream-like state. Many techniques aiming to induce the experience deliberately have been developed, for example visualization while in a relaxed, meditative state.

Recent (2007) studies have shown that experiences somewhat similar to OBEs can be induced by direct brain stimulation. Some of those who experience OBEs claimed to have willed themselves out of their bodies, while others report having found themselves being pulled from their bodies (usually preceded by a feeling of paralysis). In other accounts, the feeling of being outside the body was suddenly realized after the fact, and the experiencers saw their own bodies almost by accident.

OBEs often occur during the borderline stage between REM sleep and arousal when sleep paralysis may persist and dream imagery may mingle with sensory input.

Some neurologists have suspected that the event is triggered by a mismatch between visual and tactile signals. They used a virtual reality setup to recreate an OBE. The subject looked through goggles and saw his own body as it would appear to an outside observer standing behind him. The experimenter then touched the subject at the same time as a rod appeared to touch the virtual image. The experiment created an illusion of being behind and outside one's body. However, both critics and the experimenter himself note that the study fell short of replicating "full-blown" OBEs."

In a nutshell, I say interpretation and belief in this phenomenon and it's validity. In my mind, you can't really get the true nature of this paranormal experience in it's raw definition unless you yourself experience it. I know that I indeed believe in Out of Body Experiences (OBEs). Mainly because I know after really thinking back, I have had this happen to me at least three times in the past. With the loss of my baby. With the loss of the grandmother who raised me after my mother's passing. And my mother herself.

Two Times In Two Weeks..

Strange. For being (for the most part) a skeptic, he certainly is having a time of explaining away the last couple weeks of instances.

My husband is kind of like an Agnostic. He can't prove that God exists, nor can he prove that God doesn't exist. And he won't completely deny His existence. But is on the fence about the existence of God.

Same thing concerning my husband in regards to ghosts/spirits and paranormal activity. Yes, he DOES believe that there are other life forms (aliens) outside our universe and that it's a real possibility that they have visited our orbit. But the notion that there are some people that still "hang around" after this life is over is a bit of a hard pill to swallow for him.

Whereas for me, the subject of ghostly paranormal things is a no brainer. Ghosts/spirits DO exist, and yes, I believe that there is something beyond THIS life in our shells.

For many years, the subject of ghosts was a bit of a battle ground between the two of us. But after experiencing a few times what had happened for those first three weeks that I ever left him and the kids on their own to tend to family matters across the country, that battle ground seemingly got a bit smaller. And over the years, smaller than that.

So, in the last couple of weeks, including last night, it got even tinier. Though, with him, there will always be doubt I think, until something drastic happens (apparitions). Last week, I had told of his hearing what sounded like a pencil being rolled playfully by someone in the attic. To read about it, CLICK HERE.

That time, even though myself, the kids, and my husband were all either in the living room or the dining room (seeing as it was dinner time), it was only my husband that had heard the sounds coming from the attic, which spans the entire length of our home.

Last night, the kids were all asleep. And one cat was sleeping with the girls, while the other was not even in our room at the time of the occurrence. We heard no one (kid or cat) come down the stairs.

Out of the blue, my husband gets really still and he is obviously startled. Then, he asked me if I hear any wind outside our bedroom window. Nope. Still as can be. He claimed he saw the light that comes from the security light in the backyard brighten and dim as if someone or something was walking back and forth. But no apparent shape (human or animal).

Then, he bolted his upper body (waist and up) from the bed a bit, but not in a fully sitting position to look towards the foot of the bed. This is when he asked me if I felt "that". I asked him what THAT was. He claimed he felt someone was sitting on the bed, and even poking at his foot area. Seemingly by his description, in a playful manner.

Oddly, nothing that HE experienced did I notice, feel or see. It was as if whomever or whatever it was, only wanted my husband to notice them for whatever reason. And normally (then again who said that myself, this family or this house was normal??) it is me that gets all the crazy, weird things happening, without any others in the house seeing/hearing/feeling it at the time.

With what is happening upstairs, the experience from last night, and by other things that I have seen myself as of late, it is looking to be very much a child-like haunting behavior. He or she isn't trying to scare us. But they ARE trying to be playful, get noticed and are very observant of the happenings within the house. Especially with my basement stairs...

The Voice That Wasn't His.

Normally, I do no more than one post in the blog, per day that I decide to write. But being that this had happened last night, and it's not something that I normally have happen, I just *had to* write this down for my readers to read about...


Last night, I had heard, and even answered a voice. Whom I thought at the time was my husband speaking to me.


I thought it was my husband saying from the living room, "Hey! Come here a minute." as I stood two rooms away, washing a few dishes in the kitchen. When in fact, it was *NOT* my husband at all!


After finishing the dishes that I was working on, I had sat in the chair next to him as he sat here at the computer, and proceeded to ask him what he wanted, being he DID request for me to "come here", thinking he wanted to show me something.


He looked at me strange and then out-right told me he did *NOT* call for me in any way.

And I know it was *NOT* one of the kids. This was a MAN'S voice. An adult male. Not a child.

I told him that I knew for a FACT, I did *not* imagine what I heard. And it sounded (obviously) just like my husband calling for me.

Strange...


After the incident, I just shook my head, and then proceeded to brush it off and continued with the rest of my evening.


That is, until I noticed out of my (bad) eye, what looked like a young man who was proceeding to climb my stairs.