If you steal from me, I will HAUNT you down!

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Friday, January 7, 2011


In 2003, I suffered what is called a "missed" miscarriage. This means that the baby had died (at about 12 weeks gestation), but did not abort its self, which in most cases, happens after an embryo or very early-stage fetus passes from within the womb.

I did not find this out until my 16-week check up. So the baby's remains were just sitting there.

A few days later, I had to succumb to a D&C procedure to extract the baby, as I was getting sick from the toxins that started going in to my system.

Later on that night, after the procedure was done, I just laid there. Mourning for my baby, who I *knew* was to be a boy. I even named him, seeing as I didn't want his "life" (what tiny bit there was of it) to be "meaningless". And after all, he was still MY child. He was still a HUMAN BEING. And I lost not only him, but my future as his mother, and a piece of my heart along with him.

Finally, after some "quiet" crying, I had fallen asleep. Sick to the fact that I had done what no mother would think possible to have to do.

Next thing that I remember, I was in this beautiful wheat field. The sun shone extremely bright. But I was not wearing sunglasses and the light NEVER once bothered my eyes. There was a smell of jasmine in the breeze as it ran through my hair. Then I heard a little boy's voice calling "Mommy! Moooomy!! Over here". As I'd turned around, I knew instinctively it was him. It was my Michael.

We ran to one another. He was about six to nine years of age. We hugged. Then talked a while. Suddenly, he said it was time for him to go. That Grandma (my mom) was waiting for him. Then he told me it's okay and not to feel bad because he was happy and he knows he was loved. He also told me to go ahead and have another baby because he will look out for his little brother or sister.

Then, it was time for him to go. If only you knew just how badly I too wanted to go with him. So many people from my life were where he was returning to. I could feel their love beating down on me. I wasn't one time scared. I was at peace. REAL peace. For perhaps the first time in my life.

But, suddenly, the sun's light got blindingly bright. My breathing got labored and my chest felt extremely heavy as I bolted upright in bed. It was almost like I was having a panic attack.

It was then that I realized that I had separated from my own body, spiritually and had traveled to not Heaven, but somewhere in between there and here. Like a half-way meeting place. Not "Purgatory" per say. I felt the wheat under my finger tips. I could smell the air and the flowers that were carried in from a distance. I felt my son's touch. I could feel the warmth of the sun beating on me...So how could this NOT have been real?

The definition of Out Of Body Experience (OBEs) is defined by Wikipedia as this...

"An out-of-body experience (OBE or sometimes OOBE), is an experience that typically involves a sensation of floating outside of one's body and, in some cases, perceiving one's physical body from a place outside one's body (autoscopy).

The term out-of-body experience was introduced in 1943 by G.N.M Tyrrell in his book Apparitions, and adopted by, for example, Celia Green and Robert Monroe as a bias-free alternative to belief-centric labels such as "astral projection" or "spirit walking". Though the term usefully distances researchers from scientifically problematic concepts such as the soul, scientists still know little about the phenomenon.

Some researchers have managed to recreate OBE in a laboratory setup by stimulating a part in the human brain. One in ten people has an out-of-body experience once or more commonly several times in their life. OBEs are often part of the near-death experience. Those who have experienced OBEs sometimes claim to have observed details which were unknown to them beforehand.

In some cases the phenomenon appears to occur spontaneously; in others it is associated with a physical or mental trauma, use of psychedelic drugs, dissociative drugs, or a dream-like state. Many techniques aiming to induce the experience deliberately have been developed, for example visualization while in a relaxed, meditative state.

Recent (2007) studies have shown that experiences somewhat similar to OBEs can be induced by direct brain stimulation. Some of those who experience OBEs claimed to have willed themselves out of their bodies, while others report having found themselves being pulled from their bodies (usually preceded by a feeling of paralysis). In other accounts, the feeling of being outside the body was suddenly realized after the fact, and the experiencers saw their own bodies almost by accident.

OBEs often occur during the borderline stage between REM sleep and arousal when sleep paralysis may persist and dream imagery may mingle with sensory input.

Some neurologists have suspected that the event is triggered by a mismatch between visual and tactile signals. They used a virtual reality setup to recreate an OBE. The subject looked through goggles and saw his own body as it would appear to an outside observer standing behind him. The experimenter then touched the subject at the same time as a rod appeared to touch the virtual image. The experiment created an illusion of being behind and outside one's body. However, both critics and the experimenter himself note that the study fell short of replicating "full-blown" OBEs."

In a nutshell, I say interpretation and belief in this phenomenon and it's validity. In my mind, you can't really get the true nature of this paranormal experience in it's raw definition unless you yourself experience it. I know that I indeed believe in Out of Body Experiences (OBEs). Mainly because I know after really thinking back, I have had this happen to me at least three times in the past. With the loss of my baby. With the loss of the grandmother who raised me after my mother's passing. And my mother herself.

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